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Aesthetics

by Alexandra Lillian

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1.
Once a Babe 03:37
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There are girls who you call “babes” I recall I used to be one Why don’t you tell me again? Oh, right. Those days are done Why do I try so much? That attention is long in the dust While I care that we are still friends I think an ego boost is a must When I look in those green eyes Sometimes I think you feel it still What will make you tell me again? I have things for which you’d kill Even in my tight black dress And my glasses for aesthetics All I hear now is my name Did you forget I was once a babe? We may not be the perfect two But in some way, I still want you Days of those suggestive looks Are long gone, but still in my books I wanna hear you say “baby girl” Even though it’s my daddy’s word Last I heard it was a few drinks in I hope you never thought that a sin Even in my tight black dress And my glasses for aesthetics All I hear now is my name Did you forget I was once a babe? Don’t understand, I’m still the same As when you met me, nothing has changed What happened to “I love your curves”? Now it seems like I get on your nerves How many “babes” are there? Let’s just say you have your share I think I took it to heart ‘cause You hit me hard as a dart Even in my tight black dress And my glasses for aesthetics All I hear now is my name Did you forget I was once a babe? 'Cause to you I was once a babe
2.
Arizona Boy 03:38
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Desert sun hits your eyes Like the way you hit mine Those green eyes, they said something Not what the future would bring Never clear what you saw me as On an app, the motives are just So damn astonishing But it’s never that promising What did I expect? I never thought I’d fall But after months You got me wanting all Tell me, Arizona Boy Why do I act so fucking coy? ‘Cause you make my head spin I fight thoughts, but I never win I’m aware that we aren’t perfect In zero way is that a defect Don’t know what the hell I see All I know is your drumming gets me When I see you tap your sticks My thoughts begin to mix You look so slick and stealth Success, you make me melt Friend zones are tough But part of it was me I fear the heartbreak Almost dropped to my knees Tell me, Arizona Boy Why do I act so fucking coy? ‘Cause you make my head spin I fight thoughts, but I never win When you walked through my door After weeks of speaking by phone I only wanted more and more Things changed in ways unknown Tell me, Arizona Boy Why do I act so fucking coy? ‘Cause you make my head spin I fight thoughts, but I never win Ooh, ooh Whoa, whoa That Arizona Boy
3.
Smoke Show 04:06
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What’s it I have he says he wants so bad? I met him once and now he’s going mad Jersey boy don’t know me far beneath or beyond My hazel-eyed stare or my glossy red lips “How did I get her? How’d she look my way?” He asked himself too often by day Said it to me and I threw my head back ‘cause People like this know just what they lack I asked why he’s so sweet and he said I have what he wants, so his effort’s extreme New Jersey to Boston just to see me He’d drive for miles despite uncertainties Not made of fire, not out of his league Excessive compliments just make me fatigued Here’s a new one, never heard before He said, “Damn. Baby, you are such a smoke show” He said his hands would stay around my waist A man looked at me, he’d break out the mace And here’s the catch, he said this on the first date And when I was 16, I was major jailbait Neither a knight nor a prince with a sword He would swoon when I strummed a guitar chord Didn’t know what to do when he gazed Those blue eyes said he was in a daze Whenever he called he said “hey gorgeous” I turned red and that was his goal But what else was on that blonde boy’s mind? Either way, my ego took absolutely no toll Not made of fire, not out of his league Excessive compliments just make me fatigued Here’s a new one, never heard before He said, “Damn. Baby, you are such a smoke show” Before we met, he willingly chased Said I’m a rocket, a sniper, and babe They’re all synonymous with “she’s so hot” My vocabulary’s heightened, and that’s all that I got One thing I’ll give him, he meant no harm I spoke like a bitch, he wasn’t alarmed My confrontation was quite damn intense He didn’t act like it was at his expense But I’m Not made of fire, not out of his league Excessive compliments just make me fatigued Here’s a new one, never heard before He said, “Damn. Baby, you are such a smoke show” “Yeah, you are such a smoke show,” Oh, whoa, whoa “It’s like you set the whole room on fire” “I can’t touch you ‘cause my hand will burn” Mmm, whoa, whoa “Yeah, you are such a smoke show”
4.
Adhesive 03:34
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Can’t send one, it must be two Sometimes three if you just can’t chill Phone goes off, I roll my eyes 'Cause you have too much time to kill When we first met, I saw that smile Then my fears began to compile It only made me lean away And all else is needless to say Single for years? I wonder why Everyone’s different, but you ain’t a lie You were far too overly fond An unrealistic glue-like bond If two dates in you say you’re smitten You will not find any commitment Number of “yes’” you find decreasing ‘cause Just like glue, you’re too adhesive On date one, flags were red Hope you knew you weren’t coming to bed On date two, they lit like neon And the last thing you’d ever do is lead me on And for what good reason did you want my picture? Did you think we’d be a “good mixture?” Or maybe you thought I was set for stardom Oh, your feelings, you better guard ‘em Don’t send novels post rejection Not convinced you’re near perfection Don’t change words after they’ve been said Responses to you are what I dread If two dates in you say you’re smitten You will not find any commitment Number of “yes’” you find decreasing ‘cause Just like glue, you’re too adhesive I tried hard to sympathize Rejection is hard to synthesize Just know I hope you’ll figure this out It’s too hard to live with endless self doubts Your novel text said you keep failing Two dates, count ‘em, the deal is done Number of “yes’” you want an increase in Just don’t be overly fucking adhesive
5.
She Won 03:53
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Didn’t know if you weren’t happy or what you saw in me Your attraction to me was insanely game-changing One week she’s gone, we spent a night together Powerful sparks, they soon ignited between Couldn’t resist those bold advances you made Started with just one harmless kiss on the cheek Then you slowly snaked your arms around my waist My God, if she’d seen, she would’ve fucking freaked If you weren’t curious, I wouldn’t have caved But you’re not the only one to blame I read your actions like I would a book You lured me in like bait on a fish hook You gave me signs that screamed “get me out” Thought I’d be the one to make you leave her I was convinced that the deal was done But she had you first, so I guess she won You never spoke of her, even though I knew You went the mile to chill for an hour or two That’s why it’s off you disappeared, no words All of a sudden, my mind was blurred When I pondered everything in further depth I recall she gave me a glare like death This was the aftermath of you and I Is your silence some form of saying goodbye? Don’t write this off as a drunk mistake It was obvious your feelings weren’t fake You looked at me with your piercing brown eyes And then, soon enough, those feelings were mine You gave me signs that screamed “get me out” Thought I’d be the one to make you leave her I was convinced that the deal was done But she had you first, so I guess she won At the very least, you said nothing would change It’d stay between us, one promise we made You escaped her twice, I thought that’d continue And I truly hope that my trust was in you All my friends say “kick him to the curb” But I haven’t taken any single words To be honest, I truly miss what happened I’d still give you time, but it’d be a bad habit I don’t know if you’re gone for good But if I told you this, you sure as hell would I can’t wait around for that day to come Because I need to accept the fact that she won She won Oh, she won, she won

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released September 17, 2019

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Alexandra Lillian Los Angeles, California

Country pop/rock artist originally from San Francisco, now based in Boston and Los Angeles.

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